Single Mom vs Married Mom: Slamming The Stereotypes and Myths

Statistics form stereotypes, and stereotypes form myths. So tonight we will not discuss the researched stats, only true life experiences that defy the myths. I will post a blog with the facts and statistics to these myths in the days to come.

SINGLE MOMS: single moms had the most myths floating in cyberspace!
-Most single moms are broke, poor, and struggling.
-Single moms are the least likely women to get remarried.
-Myth: Children in single-parent families always have deficits, do poorly in school and suffer emotionally and behaviorally.
-Myth: Single-parent families are "broken homes."
-Myth: Children from single-parent families have lower self-esteem.
-Myth: Since culturally, traditional nuclear families are the norm and predominant, single parenting is an aberration and single parents are often left lonely and isolated.
-Single moms really can’t handle raising teen-agers . . .
-Children raised by single moms actually resent and hate their mothers ….
-Sons of single moms are at a terrible disadvantage because there is no man living at home to be a consistent role model. . . .
-Women are not fully qualified to give their sons the all-round upbringing that they need and once they have to face the world, they prove to be failures.
-Fatherless children, especially boys, do not perform well on school grades or in games and their future is doomed.
-A Child Needs a Father
-Myth: Children in "fatherless homes" have fared poorly over the past three decades.
-Myth -- Youth from "fatherless homes" are at higher risk for substance abuse.
-Myth -- Children are at greater risk of physical abuse in single mother households than in single father households.
-Myth -- Children of unwed teenage mothers do better when they have more involved fathers.
-Myth -- "1% increase in the rate of fatherlessness SAT scores declined 3 points..." (per The False Child Abuse Industry by John Knight for Fathering Magazine)
-Myth -- Juvenile delinquency is caused by "fatherlessness."
-Myth -- High Youth Crime Rates are a direct result of "fatherlessness."
-Myth -- Children fare worse in single parent homes.
-Myth -- Research on single mother households proves that "fatherlessness" harms children.
-Single moms are lonely and have a hard time finding a mate.
-It is very difficult to make ends meet for a family on this salary.
-Teenage mothers are lazy
-Young Mothers Are Unfit Delinquents
-"A child is better off raised by an unrelated married couple than by her own parents if her mother is single at the time she is born."
-"A child is better off raised by an older person than by her young mother."
-"A child is better off with wealth than with her own mother or father."
Propaganda -- Children growing up without a father in the home are more than twice as likely to end up in jail.

SINGLE FATHER:
Myth -- There has been a large increase in the percentages of children now living in single father households.
Myth -- "Equality under the law" means that men and women are the same in all ways.
Custodial fathers have high incomes.
There are not many custodial fathers.
Most custodial fathers have remarried.
Most custodial fathers are widowers, and all were married at some time.
Custodial fathers primarily receive custody of older boys.


DIVORCED MOM:
Myth -- Research on single and divorced mother households proves that divorce harms children.
Myth -- Divorce causes academic and behavioral problems in children.
You were better off married

The Top Ten Myths of Divorce
-Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages. Not true.
-Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing. Not true.
-Divorce may cause problems for many of the children who are affected by it, but by and large these problems are not long lasting and the children recover relatively quickly. Not true.
-Having a child together will help a couple to improve their marital satisfaction and prevent a divorce. Not true.
-Following divorce, the woman's standard of living plummets by seventy three percent while that of the man's improves by forty two percent. Not true.
-When parents don't get along, children are better off if their parents divorce than if they stay together. Not true.
-Because they are more cautious in entering marital relationships and also have a strong determination to avoid the possibility of divorce, children who grow up in a home broken by divorce tend to have as much success in their own marriages as those from intact homes. Not true.
-Following divorce, the children involved are better off in stepfamilies than in single-parent families. Not true.
-Being very unhappy at certain points in a marriage is a good sign that the marriage will eventually end in divorce. Not true.
-It is usually men who initiate divorce proceedings. Not true.

DIVORCED FATHERS:
-Myth: Divorced men can not be good fathers.
-Myth: A divorced mom or dad should get remarried to provide a new mother or father for the children.
-Myth: Divorced Dads Are Deadbeat Dads
-Myth: Divorced Dads Are Runaway Dads
-Myth: Divorced Fathers Impoverish Their Former Wives and Children
-Myth: Divorced Fathers Have It Easy Emotionally After Divorce; Only Their Ex--Wives and Children are Distressed
-Myth: Divorce Settlements Tilt Unfairly in Favor of Divorced Fathers
-Myth: Fathers Initiate Most of the Family Breakups, Abandoning Their Families and Their Responsibilities
-Myth: Families used to stand on their own two feet and take care of their members without help from government
-Myth: Collapse of the traditional family is the main source of America's social and economic problems.

MARRIED MOM:
-Myth: Mothers in intact homes are better parents than single mothers.
-Myth: Families with a Non-Employed Mother are Wealthy.
-Myth: Families Cannot Afford to Live on One Income Today
-Myth: Mothers are Either Employed Full-Time or They are At-Home Mothers Earning No Income.
-Married moms receive way more paternal help with raising the kids, doing chores, getting enough sleep, and allowing mom to have regular ample time to herself.
-Myth: Having a baby brings you closer
-Myth: Spouses should be best friends as well as romantic partners
-Myth: Don't fight in front of the kids

STAY AT HOME MOMS:
-Myth: Studies have shown that nonmaternal care, e.g. daycare, has no ill effects.
-Myth: Most Young Children are in Alternative Child Care.
-Myth: Women with Careers and Families "Have It All," While Mothers at Home are Throwbacks to the 1950s.
-Myth: Children who are older do not benefit from stay-home mothers; mothers should be back to work full-time once children are in school.

STEPMOMS:
-Myth #4: Stepmothers are wicked.
-Myth -- Stepmothers are acceptable substitutes for children's real mothers.
-Myth -- Mother-absence is no different from father-absence; it's a single-parent family, and "gender" of the parent is irrelevant.
-Myth -- Who is "family" is based on biological ties.

STEPFATHERS:
-Myth -- Stepfathers are less engaged with their stepchildren than biological fathers are with their own offspring, and are more likely to injure or kill the children with whom they reside than are biological fathers.

STEPFAMILIES:
-Myth: Stepfamily blending happens quickly
-Myth: A stepfamily is the same as a first-marriage family.
-Myth: Love occurs instantly.
-Myth: Children whose parents divorce and remarry are damaged permanently.
-Myth: It helps children to withdraw from their nonresidential parent. When children aren't allowed contact with the nonresidential parent, they tend to have idealized fantasies about them.
-Myth: Remarriages following a death go more smoothly than those occurring after a divorce

www.singleparentingfordummy.com
fatherlessness
absence
www.familyandhome.org
findarticles.com
www.irp.wisc.edu
www.foreverfamilies.net